Sunday, July 31, 2005

D

Self-discipline — or the lack there of.

I have never been greatly disciplined. It’s probably stems from having poorly disciplined parents. But now what. How do I get disciplined? How?

A lot of people have a ‘just do it’ cookie cutter answer to this question. So I went ahead and researched it for myself.


On one internet site, discipline was categorized in different obvious desirable behaviors to develop. These behaviors were justified by being associated with a spiritual life. This is the beginning I supposed, to getting untangled:

1. Getting yourself organized.
Make a schedule, however detailed and stick to it. Have a to-do list of things you need to accomplish. Even if all you do is jot down appointments and to-do items on a piece of scrap paper. The simple reality is that if you don't control your time, everything (and everyone) else will.
>> Ok. This is great. And I already do this. But sometimes I spend so much time organizing and priotizing that I loose all my energy and spirit in writing down stuff I have to do. How do I not get overwhelmed? I am a perfectionist, I could spend a whole day making lists…

2. Don't constantly seek to be entertained.
When you have free time, do things that are productive instead of merely entertaining. Read a good book, listen to classical music, take a walk, or have a conversation with someone. In other words, learn to entertain yourself with things that are challenging, stimulating, and creative. Things that are of no value except to entertain you make a very small contribution to your well-being.
>> Again, how fantastic. Yet, a lot of time, this is not a problem, because I can spend hours…days by myself, reading, browsing the net, eating… But, still I feel this is a total waste of time. And I feel incredibly guilty. Could the answer lie in balance? When do I know I am really wasting time?

3. Be on time.
If you're supposed to be somewhere at a specific time, be there on time. Being on time acknowledges the importance and the value of your time as well as others’.
>>I am generally on time. But as soon as someone starts not being on time with me, then I am terribly confused [read secretly angry] and start on the same trend with them.

4. Keep your word"Undertake not what you cannot perform, but be careful to keep your promise " —George Washington. That calls for the discipline to properly evaluate whether you have the time and capability to do something. And once you’ve made the commitment, self-discipline will enable you to keep it.
>> Ok that is a problem. I have big dreams. But my capability and discipline doesn’t match up. I often keep my words to others, but not to myself. I will do the job and get it done when I promised others, but then find that I have NO energy left for myself! This is a reoccurring problem.

5. Do the most difficult tasks first.
Most people do just the opposite, spending their time doing the easier, low priority tasks. But when they run out of time (and energy), the difficult, high-priority tasks are left undone.
>> Well, I often start with the most difficult task and then, somehow, it makes more sense to fill in the blanks before taking on a something big…I am not sure how to solve this.

6. Finish what you start.
Some people's lives are a sad litany of unfinished projects. Therein lies an important key to developing self-discipline.
>> Sure, but sometimes, well a lot of time in my life, I have found that it simply didn’t make sense anymore to try and finish a task! It was obsolete or I started on the wrong track or…I got bored of it.

7. Accept correction.
Correction helps you develop self-discipline by showing you what you need to avoid. Thus, it should not be rejected, but accepted gladly.

>> People tell me what to do a lot actually. Most of the time, it’s stuff I already know, but somehow, it just doesn’t apply, there’s a quirk, an over-simplification, a cookie cutter answer that bugs me. Maybe I should try and listen more?

8. Practice self-denial.
Learn to say no to your feelings and impulses. Occasionally deny yourself pleasures that are perfectly legitimate for you to enjoy. Skip dessert after a meal. Drink a glass of iced tea instead of having that banana split that you love. Don't eat that doughnut that caught your eye. Refraining from those things will remind your body who is in charge.

>> Ok, there is a real problem. Especially with food. I cannot stop myself. The brain just doesn’t stop reminding me that it needs…

9. Welcome responsibility.
Volunteer to do things that need to be done. That will force you to have your life organized enough to have the time for such projects.
>> I like doing that before my own things! I just feel that I’ll never get my shit done anyway, so, instead of being an ass and never helping others, I just do it, and feel awkward that my own stuff isn’t taken cared of.
...

1 Comments:

Blogger Embee Breedlove said...

hi! thanks for visiting my blog. so, wow, i think we have a lot in common, and not just because half of the bands you list in your profile are my favorite freakin' bands in the world. i too have problems with perfectionism, adn the guilt that comes with not being able to be perfect. i have been struggling with self-discipline for all of my 20's, and it's not showing much sign of getting better. well, that's not fair, i have gotten better, but i still have a long way to go.

if you've read my foodstuffs blog you know that i can't stop myself from eating, but it goes way farther than that. a lot of the time i can't get myself to do things that i really want to do, like work on my art or go see my friend's band. or actually get out of bed and go for the run that i plan every evening, and then don't go on every morning.

as far as how to develop self discipline, what i've discovered is that a) you have to work on it all the time, and b) don't expect perfection. give yourself some leeway. if you make a huge detailed schedule and then get only half of it done, you could sit around feeling terrible about yourself because of what you didn't do. or you could be proud of what you did accomplish, and consider whether you were trying to cram too many things in a day to start with.

i've found that once i actually do something that i usually neglect, like going for a run, i feel great about myself. then i hold on to that and sort of use it as motivation. if i feel myself slipping, i compare the great feeling of accomplishment to the depression and worthlessness that i feel when i don't do what i should, and try to push myself that way.

it's not a perfect system by any stretch. i still fall pretty often. like i said, i'm working on it. that's all i can really ask of myself, right?

9:27 AM  

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