Being afraid of losing what you got.
Sometimes [like right now!] I am really afraid of losing the little I have painfully accumulated: a job with benefits, being able to go to the gym, take potterie classes, being able to save a bit of money each month, being proud of my job, geting to know other people from my career, having a "career", etc.
I feel very vulnerable at times about this and I feel a lot of ongoing anxiety. Sometimes I dream about getting out of this rat race. I dream that I could get a livelyhood from being an artist of some kind, not having to get fired by power trippers and whatsnot. But I know this would be just has hard. I would have to deal with other business to try and sell my shit... I may be poor as hell and not be able to go anywhere, feeling trapped and scared of getting hill and not being able to take care of my self. I may end up neglecting my health again, from anxiety, and too much "work".
How do I find a balance?
In these times, I which I would remember that no one can "steal" my peace of mind from me. I should try to not get so attached to these little comforts of life as the are so "impermament". I often have anxiety feelings when I start thinking about "what if I would loose this job!" I feel like it would be a catastrophy. I feel like I would loose face and wouldn't be able to find another job like it. I wold have to leave town. I would have a depression. I would go back to square one...I would. I would... This is truly scary for me. And it makes me loose enjoyment in a lot of things: I don't want to buy a new car, I don't want to take days off too much, I don't want to go on a trip, all because I am afraid I will get fired! What a life!
So, on top of anxiety, I feel bitter because I can't enjoy myself, like the others seem to, and I hate the ones who treaten my current lill' position. What a life!
I don't want to live like this. How can I not get trapped by things like this?
I feel very vulnerable at times about this and I feel a lot of ongoing anxiety. Sometimes I dream about getting out of this rat race. I dream that I could get a livelyhood from being an artist of some kind, not having to get fired by power trippers and whatsnot. But I know this would be just has hard. I would have to deal with other business to try and sell my shit... I may be poor as hell and not be able to go anywhere, feeling trapped and scared of getting hill and not being able to take care of my self. I may end up neglecting my health again, from anxiety, and too much "work".
How do I find a balance?
In these times, I which I would remember that no one can "steal" my peace of mind from me. I should try to not get so attached to these little comforts of life as the are so "impermament". I often have anxiety feelings when I start thinking about "what if I would loose this job!" I feel like it would be a catastrophy. I feel like I would loose face and wouldn't be able to find another job like it. I wold have to leave town. I would have a depression. I would go back to square one...I would. I would... This is truly scary for me. And it makes me loose enjoyment in a lot of things: I don't want to buy a new car, I don't want to take days off too much, I don't want to go on a trip, all because I am afraid I will get fired! What a life!
So, on top of anxiety, I feel bitter because I can't enjoy myself, like the others seem to, and I hate the ones who treaten my current lill' position. What a life!
I don't want to live like this. How can I not get trapped by things like this?
posted by minetto at 1:59 PM
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